Brain Workout

Last night I wrote my first university exam in 11 years.  Not only that, it was a 100% recall exam.  I had to memorize six chapters, two (or three?) scholarly articles, and three sections of the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).  It doesn't sound like so much, really, for a forth level university course mid-term exam.  But for me at this time of my life, it was. 

I studied all week, or at least I planned to. 

• Monday was a holiday.  That would be good for a typical student, I suppose... but not for students with kids.  I did very little study that day.  
• Tuesday, my youngest was home sick from school.  I also had to do a presentation for a client so had to find a sitter.  My mom was sick.  My Dad came to the rescue!  I did very little study that day.  
• Wednesday, I studied half the day, and then my daughter and I drove my husband to the airport to go to the Ottawa Marathon - yes, he's running it.  I get to study and he gets to run a marathon and visit family and friends.  Is there something wrong with this picture??  But I digress... 
• Thursday, I had another client, but I did manage to get a lot of study in.  Oh... and I started feeling sick myself.  
• Friday, my youngest started the day sick again... but she did go to school by mid-morning.  Then I studied hard, stopping only to eat a whole lot of junk food, get water/coffee, and pee.  By 3:00 p.m. my brain was full.  I did not think I could fit anything else in.  However, I felt like I still had so much left to do.  Actually, I did.  So I got a shower.  And I made some more coffee. And I picked what I thought was most important and tried to memorize a few more things before I wrote my exam at 7 p.m.  Good thing.  Those few things WERE on the exam!  Yay me!

First, what's with the correlation of junk food and studying?  I know better.  I know certain foods are better for stress - I picked the absolute worst foods that exist... or should I say, non-foods.  I made a special trip to purchase 'study food'.  Yes.... I had very little time for study but manage to get to the store to purchase study food.  I have a Holistic Nutritionist - Jessica Mitton... check her out... she rocks!  What would she say if she knew.... I felt like a balloon and gained about 5lbs in a few days... what 47 year old woman wants this to happen?!  I'm peri-menopausal and hormones are already wreaking havoc with my body.  I'm on an eat clean, anti-inflammatory, anti-stress food mission (80-20 rule).  I kept to my 80-20 rule... in the reverse!

Anyway, with a sick kid (which is really rare in this house!), traveling husband, a business to run, and an exam to study for, my brain had a workout. 

Some are probably reading this thinking, so what?  I have done all that and more!  And, you know what?  So have I!  I worked 15-20 hours a week, went to school full time, was a single mom, had no car nor family to help out where I was living, and finished my undergrad that way.  Happily and successfully.  I worked full-time, was a single mom, and completed my Master's degree part-time... and did all the things moms do... fundraising, school volunteering, car pooling, mama & mini socializing, party planning, etc.  So I get it.

But my brain does not work the same way it used to.

Last Fall, I had a cognitive episode that sent me to the emergency room and followed with a plethora of tests.  The results?  My doc said all was normal... even my EEG showed normal deterioration for a 47 year old brain.  What?!  Deterioration?  What?! 

I know a teensy bit about brain deterioration.  I study and teach mindfulness and meditation.  I also practice it, so I hoped it was positively affecting my brain.  And maybe it was.

I was diagnosed with burn-out and depression.  And my prescription was to recalibrate my life (because I turned down the meds... that's a story for another time).  Let me tell you, a few years back, I would have agreed with this diagnosis (and taken the meds) because I was in it full blown.  In fact, it was so bad, I did not even go to the doc.  I could barely keep it together for the responsibilities I had, let alone make a doctor appointment and actually show up.  I think that's the story for a lot of people with burn-out and/or depression.  But last Fall... there was no more denying it.

My brain had given me the message.  I was regularly and frequently fighting for words that are in my normal vocabulary (my 6-year old continues to remind me I do this - isn't it great to have young children around when you are at your worst?).  I had teensy memory loss blips that could be normal... for a 47 year old!!!.... but I took them as messages.  And I changed my life... or at least I'm working on changing my life.  Lol.... how long does that take?!

I changed my business to be less chaotic.  I started exercising more (I have a lot of physical spin-off issues from mental health challenges... or maybe the mental health challenges are from physical issues... it's all a blur... regardless, it's all there and it's all real, so exercise does not look like it used to either).  I saw my Holistic Nutritionist and started getting my food sorted to match what my body needed. 

Then I started school.  Because I didn't want to wait any longer.  Because I was getting older.  Because my brain needed something.  Sweet lord.  It's been a brain workout.  It's probably exactly what this ol' brain needs to keep sharp... errr... continue to work somewhat effectively.  I know this is good for my brain.  Although, I had a complete brain fart in my exam.  I KNEW an answer... but I completely forgot it.  I could see the words written on the paper... I breathed deep into my belly to relax so my nervous system would stop interfering with my memory... but nope.  Not there.  So I wrote on my exam paper, "COMPLETE MIND BLANK!  :)" 

If nothing else, the prof may get a chuckle.  And I got a brain workout.

I expect I passed the exam, by the way.  I don't expect I did very well.  But I passed.  And I successfully studied and remembered a lot of stuff.  And my brain is better off for it.