Brain Workout

Last night I wrote my first university exam in 11 years.  Not only that, it was a 100% recall exam.  I had to memorize six chapters, two (or three?) scholarly articles, and three sections of the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).  It doesn't sound like so much, really, for a forth level university course mid-term exam.  But for me at this time of my life, it was. 

I studied all week, or at least I planned to. 

• Monday was a holiday.  That would be good for a typical student, I suppose... but not for students with kids.  I did very little study that day.  
• Tuesday, my youngest was home sick from school.  I also had to do a presentation for a client so had to find a sitter.  My mom was sick.  My Dad came to the rescue!  I did very little study that day.  
• Wednesday, I studied half the day, and then my daughter and I drove my husband to the airport to go to the Ottawa Marathon - yes, he's running it.  I get to study and he gets to run a marathon and visit family and friends.  Is there something wrong with this picture??  But I digress... 
• Thursday, I had another client, but I did manage to get a lot of study in.  Oh... and I started feeling sick myself.  
• Friday, my youngest started the day sick again... but she did go to school by mid-morning.  Then I studied hard, stopping only to eat a whole lot of junk food, get water/coffee, and pee.  By 3:00 p.m. my brain was full.  I did not think I could fit anything else in.  However, I felt like I still had so much left to do.  Actually, I did.  So I got a shower.  And I made some more coffee. And I picked what I thought was most important and tried to memorize a few more things before I wrote my exam at 7 p.m.  Good thing.  Those few things WERE on the exam!  Yay me!

First, what's with the correlation of junk food and studying?  I know better.  I know certain foods are better for stress - I picked the absolute worst foods that exist... or should I say, non-foods.  I made a special trip to purchase 'study food'.  Yes.... I had very little time for study but manage to get to the store to purchase study food.  I have a Holistic Nutritionist - Jessica Mitton... check her out... she rocks!  What would she say if she knew.... I felt like a balloon and gained about 5lbs in a few days... what 47 year old woman wants this to happen?!  I'm peri-menopausal and hormones are already wreaking havoc with my body.  I'm on an eat clean, anti-inflammatory, anti-stress food mission (80-20 rule).  I kept to my 80-20 rule... in the reverse!

Anyway, with a sick kid (which is really rare in this house!), traveling husband, a business to run, and an exam to study for, my brain had a workout. 

Some are probably reading this thinking, so what?  I have done all that and more!  And, you know what?  So have I!  I worked 15-20 hours a week, went to school full time, was a single mom, had no car nor family to help out where I was living, and finished my undergrad that way.  Happily and successfully.  I worked full-time, was a single mom, and completed my Master's degree part-time... and did all the things moms do... fundraising, school volunteering, car pooling, mama & mini socializing, party planning, etc.  So I get it.

But my brain does not work the same way it used to.

Last Fall, I had a cognitive episode that sent me to the emergency room and followed with a plethora of tests.  The results?  My doc said all was normal... even my EEG showed normal deterioration for a 47 year old brain.  What?!  Deterioration?  What?! 

I know a teensy bit about brain deterioration.  I study and teach mindfulness and meditation.  I also practice it, so I hoped it was positively affecting my brain.  And maybe it was.

I was diagnosed with burn-out and depression.  And my prescription was to recalibrate my life (because I turned down the meds... that's a story for another time).  Let me tell you, a few years back, I would have agreed with this diagnosis (and taken the meds) because I was in it full blown.  In fact, it was so bad, I did not even go to the doc.  I could barely keep it together for the responsibilities I had, let alone make a doctor appointment and actually show up.  I think that's the story for a lot of people with burn-out and/or depression.  But last Fall... there was no more denying it.

My brain had given me the message.  I was regularly and frequently fighting for words that are in my normal vocabulary (my 6-year old continues to remind me I do this - isn't it great to have young children around when you are at your worst?).  I had teensy memory loss blips that could be normal... for a 47 year old!!!.... but I took them as messages.  And I changed my life... or at least I'm working on changing my life.  Lol.... how long does that take?!

I changed my business to be less chaotic.  I started exercising more (I have a lot of physical spin-off issues from mental health challenges... or maybe the mental health challenges are from physical issues... it's all a blur... regardless, it's all there and it's all real, so exercise does not look like it used to either).  I saw my Holistic Nutritionist and started getting my food sorted to match what my body needed. 

Then I started school.  Because I didn't want to wait any longer.  Because I was getting older.  Because my brain needed something.  Sweet lord.  It's been a brain workout.  It's probably exactly what this ol' brain needs to keep sharp... errr... continue to work somewhat effectively.  I know this is good for my brain.  Although, I had a complete brain fart in my exam.  I KNEW an answer... but I completely forgot it.  I could see the words written on the paper... I breathed deep into my belly to relax so my nervous system would stop interfering with my memory... but nope.  Not there.  So I wrote on my exam paper, "COMPLETE MIND BLANK!  :)" 

If nothing else, the prof may get a chuckle.  And I got a brain workout.

I expect I passed the exam, by the way.  I don't expect I did very well.  But I passed.  And I successfully studied and remembered a lot of stuff.  And my brain is better off for it.

Mama Bear, Baby Bear, and The Post

Baby Bear Wins

The wine was a bad idea.  It is not hard to tell I don't drink much.  I had three or four sips and felt so sleepy I could barely read.  I put the wine down and drank water instead.   I was so zonked after finally completing my work, that I did not ever drink my wine.

Young students... do not follow my lead.

The story gets better.  My youngest was feeling miserable last night.  I could have told my husband to put her to bed.  But, Mama Bear instincts kicked in.  Baby Bear had a bit of trouble going to sleep, her eyes were weepy, her nose was stuffy.  And Mama Bear had to hold her. 

It's easy to forget about school at these moments.  I remember this from being in school when my oldest was just in pre-school.  One time she stepped in a wasp nest and got about a dozen or more stings and the daycare called me (there were no cell phones - I happened to be home studying for a test later that day).  I dropped everything and ran to the daycare - I had no car - and brought her to the doctor.  She was fine.  I missed my test. 

Baby Bear always wins over school.

Anyway, at 10:30 last night, my husband comes into my youngest's bedroom and practically kicks me out of bed to get my post finished for one of my courses.  I whined.  For real.  But I did it.  I went out there and figured out something to write.  I had trouble finding the information I was seeking.  I felt a little 'stupid' to be honest. Was I missing something?  I've read all the material assigned.  The question is clearly asking about something I have not read.  Am I supposed to know what that criteria is?  How can I find out so I can answer the question?  Maybe I should answer a different question.  No, I have only 30 minutes left before the posting cut off time.  So I stick to the question I started.  I answer it to the best of my ability... spending most of the time looking through chapters in the book that were not even assigned.... thinking I missed something.... others seems to have a better idea about this.  Did they learn it in a different course?  Agghh!

Well.... I wrote something... tried to make sense of theory and application and make my writing flow so it is not too confusing to read... and voila!  11:27 I am finished and ready to post!  Three minutes to spare.

Not.

I need to provide references.  I need to do it in APA format. 11:30 and voila!  Ready.  And it won't post.  The deadline is up.  I can't post it.  No more posting.  It reminded me of when time is up for an exam and you'd be desperately writing and the teacher comes and takes your paper from under your pencil and the pencil marking slides across the paper and he/she pulls it away.  So I post it in the question section... the wrong section.... and it's late by the time I get it done. 

And I emailed the prof and she accepted it.

Phew!

W(h)ine

Check out the top left corner.

It's May 2-4.  We'd planned to go camping and hiking this weekend.  I had too much homework.  So we planned to just take one day and go hiking and have a fire in the woods.  I had too much homework.  Soooo....

I have spent most of my weekend studying, or at least trying to get studying in, while squeezing family time in between papers and books and online posting.

I chose this.  I chose this?  What?  Why would anyone in their right mind choose this at 47 years old after already spending more than 25 years in formal schooling already?  No, really.  Why?

Oh, yes.... I WANT to.  Sweet lord. 

I just wasted 20 minutes scrolling social media.  When I was in my teens and 20s, I used to clean whenever I had to study.  Now... I scroll.  No need to have a clean house when you have school for an excuse for it being a mess.  Anyway, scrolling social media on May 24th weekend when all of your "friends" (in quotes because I hardly know most of the people on my social media) are hiking and having fires and taking snaps with friends and biking and hiking and camping and fishing and exploring the outdoors and just having an awesome time... is just not a good thing to do when one should be reading that last chapter before she has to post something on the discussion board - for real marks.  And there are only two hours of free time while the six year old is at a birthday party.

So I decided to have a glass of wine.  Study too.  Wine plus study.  Makes sense, right?  I don't even drink much.  But this idea of drinking wine while studying just came to me.  I know... slow learner.  I never did this before.  Don't get me wrong... pre-children, I went to class occasionally somewhat hung over.  But I didn't drink WHILE studying.  I simply replaced studying with drinking.  Now, I'm much wiser.  I am going to drink AND study. 

#the47yearoldstudent #thewhiningstudent #studyandwine

To Use or Not To Use

... a highlighter!  I know pot will be legal on July 1st, and that may be related to student life.... but I'm talking about a highlighter.

Since when was this such a big question?  Getting through the materials means finding more efficient ways to read.  I started using a pen... underlining important things and writing notes in the margins and on separate paper.  Needless to say, it took much too long... 3 days to get through one chapter.  Not gonna work.

I'm taking my skills learned in Lean and efficiency and identifying where the waste is... then cutting it.  No more underlining with pen.  Use a highlighter.  Take fewer notes.  That may not be the best decision for the course that has exams... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Sooo.... does everyone highlight about 90% of the content?  What is the sense of highlighting if you highlight nearly everything?  Seriously.  I do that.  Did I always do that?

I highlight EVERYTHING.  I'm trying to reduce it.  I'm down to highlighting the really essential pieces of information only... mostly so I can find something when I go looking to validate with APA.  And, really, I'm not doing too great at that.  Yesterday, I posted something on the discussion board and said I know I read it somewhere but I did not have time to look for it.  Yes, I did that.  I did not use APA format nor did I even say where I read this piece of information.  But I had something to say.  I wouldn't have done that in my 20-somethings.  Have I become efficient, more at ease, or arrogant? 

I digress... back to the highlighter... I've been re-reading paragraphs after a break from reading.  Maybe the highlighter is a good tool after all - at least I know where I left off.  And, if I'm arrogant, at least I'm becoming aware of it.  That's the first step towards change.

#the47yearoldstudent #thepossiblyarrogantstudent

First, Get My Glasses

This is my first entry for this blog (I have a few others).  I decided to start writing this one because I re-entered university at 47 years old... and it is so different from when I was 18 years old... and when I was 25 years old... and when I was 30 years old.  I was laughing at it all with my oldest daughter, who is currently doing her second degree, and I jokingly said I should write a blog called 'The 47 Year Old Student'.  She thought it was the best idea... so here I am.  It's meant to be light and comical.  But I have no idea where it might lead.  For now... enjoy....

I am taking two pre-requisite Education courses for my second Master's degree - a Master of Education in Counselling Psychology.  My background is business, though, with a bit of science.  More recently, I've been studying yoga and mindfulness, which is probably what triggered this late in life interest in going back to school to be a Counsellor.  I'm not in yet... I'm actually an unlikely candidate with my background, but I'm going for it anyway.

This new venture is really baptism by fire.  Both of my courses are online (I've never taken an online university course) and cover 12 weeks of material in 6 weeks (Intercession semester).  That was probably the first unsmart thing I did.

So I'm trying to navigate through this online platform... oh... I need a student ID.  Right.  Oh right.  I also need text books.  OH... and an online profile?? 

The first 5 days entailed figuring out how to be a student again.  I have to print everything to read it.  Do 20-something year olds print everything?  The library now has everything online.  Seriously.  You need never know the dewey decimal system!  And reserved readings are at your fingertips - with a click of the mouse!  No more going to the library five times hoping the last person returned the reserved readings.

Once I figured out how to actually be a student and download and print all the materials, then I had to actually do some work... read 4 chapters, about 7 articles and research papers, and make 5-7 intelligent posts on the discussion boards.... oh... and they had to be cited using 'APA format'.  WTF?  I haven't used that since 1988.  Well, maybe I used it once in my MBA in the late 90s or early 2000s... still it's been over 10 years.... like maybe 15 years at the minimum.  Gawd.

I stayed up late Sunday night.  It takes me forever to read something.  I got through it.  Barely.

I'm in week 2.  And I just figured out why I'm reading so slowly.  I need new glasses.  Those multi-focals I have are nothing but a pain in the a*se.  When I find that exact point of 'I can see!', in seconds, I've read that sentence and I have to refocus.  No wonder it takes me forever to read one article - afterall, I HAVE been reading non-fiction and learning resources my entire adult life.  (It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm 47 and my brain just doesn't work the same way it did in my teens.. and 20s... and 30s.......)

It's not all crazy, though.  When I was 18, I just wanted to finish and get good grades.  Even when I did my Master's degree I just wanted the credential.  I did learn stuff.  I was interested in some courses.  But now..... now I am eating up the material!  I don't want to miss anything.  I want to be involved with every discussion.  I have something to say!  But, it's impossible to be involved with all discussions... there just isn't enough time to... work... be a mom... and be a slow reading student doing full-time courses.

I am going to the drugstore over the next few days to check out those $20 reading glasses.  Hopefully, it will speed up my reading.

#the47yearoldstudent